Category Archives: Today’s Idiot

Today’s Idiot: Cathy Cruz Marrero

Today’s Idiot returns with a bloomin’ idiot! Cathy Cruz Marrero, a 49-year old Pennsylvania woman recently walked herself into a mall fountain. She had her nose buried in her cell phone texting a friend and walked straight into the water fountain in the middle of a shopping mall.

Surveillance footage of her short swim quickly made its way onto the internet and blew up YouTube. Despite being highly embarrassed and unidentifiable on the video, Ms. Cruz Marrero went on Good Morning America to complain about her accident and explain that she’s preparing a lawsuit, but she’s not sure who it will be against – and neither is her attorney.

Cruz Marrero complained to GMA that “Nobody [from the mall] called to see if I was okay.” I can only guess that is because people at the mall had to assume based on past experiences that Marrero is incapable of safely operating a telephone and did not want to risk any further injury or humiliation for the woman.

And while she and her legal team were more than happy to discuss Marrero’s poor treatment in regards to her mall fall, they would not comment on felony charges pending against her for credit card fraud.

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Today’s Idiot: Bo

A baseball game is a great place to spend an evening with family, friends or a significant other. Up at the major league level it’s a little pricey, but if you poke around you can find a good enough deal to make it more than worth your while. Depending on when you get there and where your seats are, you may even walk out of the park with a souvenir baseball courtesy of a foul ball or a ballboy.

One of the more exciting prospects of going to a ballgame is the possibility of catching a foul ball or a home run. I’m not entirely sure why, because nearly every ball that a fan catches is worthless. Sure, maybe you catch a record-breaking home run ball, or some player’s first career home run that they’re willing to swap for an autograph or two, but for the most part, the thrill of the foul ball is just in the catch itself.

Today’s Idiot recently attended a Houston Astros game with his girlfriend. They had some pretty nice seats down the left field line, prime real estate for foul balls. And wouldn’t you know it, in the fourth inning, a Houston player loops a line drive down the left field line and right at the happy couple. The young man stands up in front of his girlfriend … and ducks out of the way at the last minute and the ball hits her squarely on the arm.

What a gentleman.

And his first instinct after the young lady gets hit is to dive under the seats for the ball, which he hangs onto for dear life, and doesn’t show any indication of handing it to his girl. I understand that feminism and girl power are hot button topics nowadays, but I’m still a firm believer in chivalry and treating a lady right.

This guy Bo takes a young lady to a ballgame and bails on a foul ball so she gets takes the hit instead of him. Chivalrous. Maybe he was concerned that the 75% reverse tilt of his hat would be thrown off, or that he would leave what appears to be a dead rat carcass on his chin unprotected. Whatever the reason, he’s got a good story to tell at his next ultimate frisbee tournament.

The two were interviewed by FSN’s field reporter and the girl didn’t sound too thrilled with her man. His excuse was that he lost the ball in the lights, but that’s a cheap cop out. Matt Holliday found out that excuse doesn’t work too well in last season’s NLDS. And to put the final touch on the whole Loser Ensemble, the reporter gives the guy a pair of oversized, white sunglasses, which he promptly puts on, despite it being nighttime. And if you get up close to your computer screen, you can smell the three cans of Axe coating his entire upper half.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ Rule #44 is First things first, hide the women and children. That applies to baseball as well as war and calamities.

Today’s Idiot: Unnamed Philadelphia Teen

During the eighth inning of Philadelphia’s 6-3 loss to the Cardinals on Monday night, some teenage punk decided it would be in his best interest to hop onto the playing field and run around like a lunatic. He weaved his way around officers trying to subdue him for about thirty seconds until the officers decided they had had enough and tasered the young gentleman.

There has been some questioning as to whether or not using the taser on the teenager was the proper way of going about subduing him. While I had no problem with using the taser on this idiot, I did notice that in the above photograph, the officer also is carrying a firearm.

Had the officer used his gun rather than his taser, I think the teen in this case would have definitely been subdued and other punks would be dissuaded from attempting any similar shenanigans in the future. People complain about the “excessive” force that law enforcement officials sometimes use to subdue a suspect, but you rarely hear complaints about the reasons that they have to use such force.

If that was my kid, he’d want the Taser again once he found out what I would have had in store for him when he got home. Don’t like being tased? Then how about you keep your butt in your seat? There were 48,817 people at that game on Monday and 48,816 managed to keep themselves off the playing field.

Today’s Idiot: Matthew Clemmens

This story happened a few days ago, but I missed it. Still, it’s only April and we may have already found our Scumbag of the Year in 21-year old Matthew Clemmens.

A few nights back, a father took his 11-year old and 16-year old daughters out to Citizen’s Bank Park for an evening Philadelphia Phillies game. What should have been a rather enjoyable evening for father and daughters turned unpleasant when the seats behind them turned out to belong to a group of unruly punks.

The group behind him and his daughters proceeded to be loud and obnoxious from the outset of the game and were eventually confronted by security and told to leave. As they were about to be escorted out, Clemmens stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited on the man and his 11-year old daughter.

If that had been my daughter, the headline would have read more along the lines of:

Philly fan thrown to his death at game, Alpharetta man held

But instead, the father along with the help from several nearby fans restrain the offender until the authorities can subdue and remove him from the park.

A ballgame should be an experience that is one hundred percent family friendly. There’s a game to watch, things to see and an evening to enjoy yourself. While their is alcohol available at these games, punks like Clemmens should just hit up the local TKE house if they want to get smashed and act like untrained animals.

Hopefully, his black eye came courtesy of the father, or better yet one of the daughters.

Today’s Idiot: Curt Schilling

I realize that I haven’t done one of these in a while (April 16, to be exact) but I figured that Curt Schilling’s recent comments deserved some attention.

Recently, it came out that both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz tested positive for performance enhancing drugs during the 2003 season. It’s not unreasonable to say that 2003 wasn’t the only year that either of these players were using, especially since Manny Ramirez was nabbed again just a few months ago – talk about an idiot, huh?

Well, our favorite loudmouth load, Curt Schilling, who never makes private his opinion on everything and anything related and unrelated to him, decided he’d offer up his thoughts on the matter. In the past, Curt Schilling has had some extremely harsh words for those players caught using performance enhancing drugs.

On Jose Canseco’s admission:

Jose Canseco admitted he cheated his entire career, everything he ever did should be wiped clean. I think his MVP should go back and should go to the runner-up.

On Roger Clemens:

…the numbers were attained through using [performance-enhancing drugs]. Just like I stated about Jose [Canseco], if that is the case with Roger, the 4 Cy Youngs should go to the rightful winners and the numbers should go away if he cannot refute the accusations.

On Barry Bonds:

If you get caught using steroids, you should have everything you’ve done in this game wiped out for any period of time that you used it.

So what does our bigmouthed behemoth have to say about David Ortiz, his former teammate testing positive for the same thing that the players he so publicly demonized did, when asked if David Ortiz’s accomplishments should be judged differently?

That’s for you to decide. It seems to be an area of immense debate, but I am not sure how this could/should/will be resolved.

Well, isn’t that quite the change of pace from a guy that was all for wiping out the stats of people that cheated the game. He does not believe that David Ortiz’s stats, awards and accomplishments should be wiped out, as he thought Canseco’s, Clemens’, Bonds’ and others should. He simple says he’s not sure. How ironic.

And then when they asked him if he thought Boston’s accomplishments of late should be judged differently, he responded simply.

This makes me laugh.

Texting Teen Falls Down NYC Manhole

Found this story about a New York teenager that walked right into an open manhole.

The girl, Alexa Longueira wasn’t paying attention and was instead text messaging as she was walking down the sidewalk, and ended up in the sewer. As my cousin Dave might say, she was looking where she wasn’t going. She and her mother are planning on filing a lawsuit against the city.

Sometimes I wish I was a judge that could hear these cases. Dumb is not a reason to sue someone. You fall into a manhole because your nose is buried in a cell phone? You lose your case and I rule in favor of the defendant.

It’s like backing into another car in a parking lot and then expecting the owner of the car you hit to pay for any damages because his car was there.

Today’s Idiot: Washington Nationals Tailor

Not only are the Nationals a Major League worst 1-10 through the first two weeks of the season, they can’t even spell their own name right on their jerseys.

Zimmerman & Dunn

Now you may think, like I did, that this is an instance where a letter gets hidden by the jersey overlap. When I played ball as a kid, I remember being on the Dodgers and folding my jersey just right so that it read “Dogs”. But this picture of Adam Dunn confirms that the “O” is indeed missing.

Adam Dunn

How does this happen to any team, let alone a professional ballclub? Oh well, I guess it’s fitting that it happened to the Natinals.

Today’s Idiot: Drew Carey

I used to love The Price Is Right when Bob Barker hosted it. But Drew Carey is terrible. He’s technically considered a “comedian” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I hated The Drew Carey Show and tolerated him on Whose Line Is It Anyways because the rest of the talent was so funny.

And then comes this. He’s hosting The Price Is Right Showcase Showdown and some guy makes an exact bid on his showcase, therefore winning both showcases.

Drew Carey’s reaction? He couldn’t care less. He and his producers stopped the show for about an hour because they assumed this guy had to have cheated. But he simply just memorized prices of things on the show by watching the show for over 30 years.

For something that hadn’t happened since the early 1970s, you’d think the host of the game would be a little more excited.

Today’s Idiot: Tom Haudricourt

MLB’s Winter Meetings are currently going on and nearly every baseball mind in the country is in and around the Bellagio in Vegas for the next few days.

An Milwaukee writer, Tom Haudricourt, was overheard saying that he’s looking forward to the Yankees signing both of Milwaukee’s free agent pitchers, CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets because then the Breweres would “get both the Yankees first round picks”.

And that is why there are only a select few baseball writers that I bother to read anymore. Let me explain. Free agents are classified into two levels based on their production the past two years. Type A or Type B. Although I don’t exactly get how these ratings are handed out, that’s how it is.

If a Type A free agent is offered arbitration and signs with another team, then the original team gets the new teams first round draft pick and a sandwich-round pick. If this happens with a Type B, then all the original team gets is the sandwich pick.

CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets (even though Sheets didn’t hit 200 IP the past two seasons) are Type A free agents. So the Milwaukee writer assumed that if the Yankees signed both players, the Brewers would get both of the Yankees picks.

The draft order is set in reverse order of the previous season’s standings, meaning teams only get one first round pick. If a team fails to sign it’s first round pick then it gets a compensation pick in the same place the next year. And this is the case with the Yankees. However, the compensation pick is protected and can’t be lost due to a free agent signing.

You’d think a major league beat writer would know simple things about the game he’s covering.

UPDATE 8:29 – Just added the guy’s name as he was identified. The name sounded familiar, so I googled him. Turns out, Haudricourt is the same guy that submitted NL MVP ballot about a month ago.

He had Philadelphia first baseman Ryan Howard as his MVP and ranked eventual winner Albert Pujols seventh on his ballot. He covers the Brewers and had three Brewers in his top 10, two ahead of Pujols.

Haudricourt says he “credits players for lifting their teams to the post-season or at least keeping them in the race until the very end.”

The very end part is probably why he voted Carlos Delgado three spaces ahead of Pujols. The Mets finished a game out of the wild card and the Cardinals only finished 4 games out of the wild card. Not too much of a difference. The Cardinals weren’t eliminated mathematically until the last week of the season.

Pujols’ numbers in the “stretch run” were also much more impressive than Delgado’s:

Delgado: .308-.392-.626, 47 XBH, 80 RBI (38.2 VORP*)
Pujols: .356-.444-.664, 50 XBH, 73 RBI (98.7 VORP)

Advantage, Pujols, not even taking into account Pujols’ extreme advantage on defense.

My point is that I have no idea how this clown got a job covering baseball. He obviously has no clue about the game apart from what he might happen upon on ESPN or something. Maybe this guy played a part in CC Sabathia’s decision to become a Yankee, and if that’s the case I’m glad this blatantly biased writer continues to apply his trade.

*VORP stands for Value Over Replacement Player and demonstrates how much a hitter contributes offensively or how much a pitcher contributes to his team in comparison to a fictitious “replacement player,” who is an average fielder at his position and a below average hitter

Today’s Idiot: Ritchie Bell

Deal Or No Deal is hosted by Howie Mandel, who, by himself is certainly an oddball. I think the premise of the show is somewhat interesting, and although the game requires very little skill and its’ contestants are often highly annoying and irritating, I watch it sometimes when there’s nothing else on in hopes that I’ll see some idiocy of epic proportions.

Man, what a doozy this one was. Almost every time I watch the game, I hope to see contestants faced with the $1 million case and the $1 case and have them refuse the deal and then wind up with one dollar.

This guy played out my dream for me. He had a guaranteed $416,000 and chose to risk it and ended up with $415,999 less.

Ha.