Barry Bonds

He is baseball’s home run king, performance enhancing drugs or not. In my mind, there’s no doubt he used them, but the man has never tested positive for anything. He’s an oversized noggined, Paula Abdul impersonating asshole who I hate with a livid passion.

All that being said however, there isn’t a player out there that I’d rather sign to a contract right now. The Yankees offense has been hit-or-miss for the most part this season and is looking at losing DH Hideki Matsui (.323/.404/.459) to recurring knee problems.

The Yankees have a good thing going with Matsui and Damon rotating around LF and the DH spot, but neither player seems up to playing every game. I’m pretty sure Barry Bonds would benefit from a couple of off-days as well.

Bonds’ agent, Jeff Borris has said that Bonds will play for the league minimum. Then he said that Bonds would play for free, offering to donate any salary he made to purchase tickets for children.

So what we’re looking at is Barry Bonds available for less than the Yankees are paying Dan Giese. The man has more baggage than any player in baseball history. But the man had a 170 OPS+ last year with a .480 OBP. He gets on base nearly half the time he bats. That’s crazy. Even at this stage of his career, Bonds would instantly improve any offense, even the Yankees.

But I’d sign him right now and plug him in the middle of the Yankee offense. Everybody hates the Yankees already, what’s one more maligned slugger going to matter? Imagine Bonds in a lineup with Alex Rodriguez and a mustached Jason Giambi.

Bonds comes incredible cheap money-wise and no pitcher in baseball wants to pitch to him (except maybe Mike Bascik). He brings an unbelievable presence to a lineup in need of some consistency. The Yankees don’t care about what Bonds may or may not have done. So why not sign him? He instantly solves multiple problems and isn’t the goal to win games?

Bonds certainly would help them do that. True, bringing Barry Bonds to the media capital of the world would be a media spectacle beyond belief. Pure craziness. A possible PR nightmare. But I’d do it. I’d do it in a New York Minute. Because even at 44, he’s still one of the best hitters in the game. And in New York he’d never have to play the field.


Posted on June 27, 2008, in Sports. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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