Athletes I Can’t Stand (Volume 1)

Let me prologue by saying I do not believe some of the following people are actually athletes. But ESPN refers to them as such, and as we all know, ESPN is never wrong.

Only Indy Car driver to appear in FHM. So she’s the best Indy Car driver at taking off her clothes. Hey, it’s a start.

Danica Patrick – (not an athlete) I’m all for women in men’s sports. If they can compete. But Danica Patrick has never won a race, which is pathetic even if I throw out the fact that every race she’s in, she has the advantage. In Indycar racing, engine size and weight are strictly restricted, and Danica, easily the lightest Indycar driver at a listed 100 pound would have an advantage, even if slight. In 45 career races, she has zero wins. She gets in spats with other drivers. She’s quite prevalent in the media, but not because she’s successful, but because she’s a novelty act. My favorite Danica-related media tidbit? A question and answer session with Rick Reilly.

Q: Is Danica Patrick becoming the “Anna Kournikova” of racing?
A: Becoming?

She landed herself the cover of SI simply because she led one lap at the Indy 500. This is not newsworthy. When she’s out on the track, she’s not a woman, she just a driver.


Michelle Wie – (not an athlete) Another woman trying to play with the men. She’s one of two women to ever play in a men’s PGA tournament, which sounds impressive at the surface. But no. She has never qualified for a PGA tournament, but been invited due to sponsor’s exemption. Which means she’s there to spark controversy, not to win. Let’s look at her sparkling resume of accomplishments.

1) She has never even made a cut at a PGA event.
2) She’s never even won a LPGA event.
3) Sponsor exemption: sponsors of an event have a certain number of spots to offer to players who did not earn an event invitation. By giving them to Wie, you take one away from a golfer who would actually compete.
4) She’s had nine caddies in under 3 years.
5) On the LPGA tour, if a golfer shoots an 88 or worse, they are suspended from tour events for the rest of the year. Wie was at a 14-over by hole 16 and would have finished over 88 without an eagle or better on at least one hole. So she withdrew, claiming a wrist injury. The next morning, she was out on the driving range driving the ball 250 yards.
6) Annika Sorenstam, the best female golfer hates her.
7) Michelle Wie was disqualified for an illegal drop, or, in layman’s terms, cheating. If your ball goes out of bounds in golf, you are allowed to drop it back in and hit it where it falls. Michelle Wie dropped it in a place that gave her a favorable lie, not where she was told to drop it.


Posted on August 31, 2007, in Sports. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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