Monthly Archives: August 2007

Athletes I Can’t Stand (Volume 1)

Let me prologue by saying I do not believe some of the following people are actually athletes. But ESPN refers to them as such, and as we all know, ESPN is never wrong.

Only Indy Car driver to appear in FHM. So she’s the best Indy Car driver at taking off her clothes. Hey, it’s a start.

Danica Patrick – (not an athlete) I’m all for women in men’s sports. If they can compete. But Danica Patrick has never won a race, which is pathetic even if I throw out the fact that every race she’s in, she has the advantage. In Indycar racing, engine size and weight are strictly restricted, and Danica, easily the lightest Indycar driver at a listed 100 pound would have an advantage, even if slight. In 45 career races, she has zero wins. She gets in spats with other drivers. She’s quite prevalent in the media, but not because she’s successful, but because she’s a novelty act. My favorite Danica-related media tidbit? A question and answer session with Rick Reilly.

Q: Is Danica Patrick becoming the “Anna Kournikova” of racing?
A: Becoming?

She landed herself the cover of SI simply because she led one lap at the Indy 500. This is not newsworthy. When she’s out on the track, she’s not a woman, she just a driver.

Cheating.

Michelle Wie – (not an athlete) Another woman trying to play with the men. She’s one of two women to ever play in a men’s PGA tournament, which sounds impressive at the surface. But no. She has never qualified for a PGA tournament, but been invited due to sponsor’s exemption. Which means she’s there to spark controversy, not to win. Let’s look at her sparkling resume of accomplishments.

1) She has never even made a cut at a PGA event.
2) She’s never even won a LPGA event.
3) Sponsor exemption: sponsors of an event have a certain number of spots to offer to players who did not earn an event invitation. By giving them to Wie, you take one away from a golfer who would actually compete.
4) She’s had nine caddies in under 3 years.
5) On the LPGA tour, if a golfer shoots an 88 or worse, they are suspended from tour events for the rest of the year. Wie was at a 14-over by hole 16 and would have finished over 88 without an eagle or better on at least one hole. So she withdrew, claiming a wrist injury. The next morning, she was out on the driving range driving the ball 250 yards.
6) Annika Sorenstam, the best female golfer hates her.
7) Michelle Wie was disqualified for an illegal drop, or, in layman’s terms, cheating. If your ball goes out of bounds in golf, you are allowed to drop it back in and hit it where it falls. Michelle Wie dropped it in a place that gave her a favorable lie, not where she was told to drop it.

The Price Is Wrong

I’ve never really enjoyed the Price Is Right, but I was a fan of Bob Barker. I hate these women that have been on the show.

“How much did he bid Bob?”
“$1,000”
“Oh, okay. $999, Bob!”

First off, that’s just cheap, and second, why can’t these people remember what the person before them bid 10 seconds ago? Because they’re too busy listening to the audience because they’re brainless idiots who can’t think for themselves.

And another situation that I hate.

“One dollar Bob!”

I think you should be within like $100. You’re bidding on a piano that’s worth $4,000 and the first three people bid $5000, $6000 and $7000. And then that last woman pipes in her one dollar bid and win.

Now Bob Barker is gone and so is my attention to the show. They’ve replaced him with one of my least favorite people: Drew Carey. Not only is Drew Carey completely unfunny and unoriginal, he’s also a fat, out-of-shape pervert. Who, has just injured his arm while rehearsing for the Grocery Game. Which, I may add, Barker perfectly executed it over 15,000 times in his career.

In my opinion, Drew Carey will kill the show. He’ll end up doing something outrages that will upset the little liberals that actually watch the show, for the show. What happens when they get a little old lady who needs help to spin the wheel and Drew Carey can’t do it?

Lindsay Lohan’s Work Ethic

As we were sitting in the movie theatre waiting for Rush Hour 3, and before the previews had started, as is the norm in a movie theatre, they were cycling fluff slides through on the screen. They had quotes from celebrities on some of the slides such as “Inappropriate humor makes me laugh” (Will Ferrell) and “I feel education is the most important” (Sandra Bullock). But the one that got me was Lindsay Lohan’s:

“I’m the hardest working person I know”
-Lindsay Lohan

As could be expected, the entire theatre erupted into hysterical laughter at this obviously humorous quotation. But then Greg, sitting by me, made a good point. Look who Lindsay Lohan hangs out with…Paris Hilton, Nichole Richie, Tara Reid…Lindsay Lohan probably IS the hardest working person she knows.