Don’t Blame The Yankees

For the most part, I enjoy Rick Reilly’s work. I read his weekly column religiously when he worked for Sports Illustrated, and continued to follow him with some regularity when he moved over to ESPN.

But it’s articles like today’s – “Too Short For A Column, that remind me he’s just another run-of-the-mill mainstream media buffoon who hates the Yankees.

They’re having a parade because the New York Yankees won the title? Why not throw one because a bear ate a salmon? Or a hurricane knocked over a trash can? Hey, the bully just gave the nerd a wedgie! Let’s throw a parade!

Talk about sour grapes. Baseball has a system. And when there’s a problem with a system, people often look for one gross offender to point a finger at. For the situation in the Middle East, it’s often George W. Bush, and in baseball it’s the Yankees. It’s easier for ignorant people to identify one individual or item to symbolize their outrage than to pay attention to everything that’s problematic with the situation. If winning the World Series correlated to payroll, why not just award the Yankees the commissioner’s trophy and forgo the whole season?

The Yankees are only doing what they’re allowed to do in regards to what their system stipulates. While Rick Reilly and just about every non-Yankee fan whines about it, the Yankees free-spending isn’t the problem with baseball. It’s simply a by-product of a flawed system. Take for example this – I go to the doctor and he tells me I’m obese.

“That’s a problem,” I reply and my doctor says “No, the problem is you eat too many bacon cheeseburgers and exercise very rarely.” I can take medication to reduce my obesity, but unless I get rid of the unhealthy diet, I’m not fixing the problem.

When talking about the Yankees, the first response is nearly always to recommend a salary cap. “Look at the NFL!” people say but comparing the business model of the NFL and the business model of Major League Baseball is like comparing Marty McFly’s girlfriend in Back To The Future and Back To The Future II – they’re completely different! One game a week versus six or seven – or three if you’re in the playoffs. Sixteen games versus a hundred and sixty-two. Apples and oranges, Claudia Wells and Elizabeth Shue.

Baseball has no salary cap and teams are free to spend as much as they like in trying to put the best product out on the field year in and year out. But after a team’s payroll reaches a certain amount, they have to pay forty cents on the dollar for everything they spend from that point on. The Yankees pay this tax and they feed money into baseball revenue sharing program, which is distributed to teams across the sport – teams that sometimes spend this money on improving their team and sometimes that money finds its way into the owner’s pockets.

The late Carl Pohland, who owned the Minnesota Twins from 1984 until his death this past year was worth $3.6 billion dollars according to Forbes, making him the wealthiest MLB owner. And yet the Twins payroll has never ranked in the upper half of baseball since 1999.

As a Yankee fan, I am not about to deny the fact that my team begins each season with an advantage over the other 29 teams. Fair or not, the Yankees pay their tax and their revenue sharing money and are therefore allowed to spend freely.

A strict salary cap in baseball does nothing except take money out of the players pockets and put it back into the owner’s wallets. Perhaps surprisngly, I’m pro-labor when it comes to professional sports. Owner have every right to earn a profit but the talent has the right to share in those profits.

Would you rather have a cap and simply enrich the wealthiest teams’ owners or have that money flow down to the players who bring in most of those profits? Pay the talent that deserves to be paid and pay them at market rates, whatever they are able to earn.

Any fan would love to have George Steinbrenner as an owner because he has a personal interest in seeing his team win. That’s not to be confused with a financial interest, because every owner has that. To George, the personal interest outweighs the financial one. Not every owner can say that, in fact, very few professional sports owners can.

Joe Posnanski, another journalist I enjoy reading when he’s not bemoaning the Yankees financial clout, had an interesting thought the other day.

You have one team (and only one team) playing the video game on cheat-mode.”

An interesting concept, and he’s probably accurate with that statement. But I’d offer another equally interesting and true statement to accompany Joe’s.

Most teams have the capability of playing the video game on cheat-mode, but few teams choose to do so.

The Yankees are within every one of their rights operating the way they do. Complaining about them is simply sour grapes. There’s not a more successful sports franchise in this country than the New York Yankees. Both on and off the field, George Steinbrenner has built a powerful empire.

If Major League Baseball wants to update their luxury taxation system, that’s okay with me. There are plenty of ways to get creative with something like this without mentioning the idea of a salary cap. A salary cap simply hamstrings the Yankees and won’t address or fix them problem.

So don’t blame the Yankees for doing exactly what they’re allowed to do. Blame the system that they operate in or question why your team isn’t taking advantage of what is allowed. Complaining about someone else’s success never leads to any beneficial change. The best way to fix a problem is to work the problem.

Work the problem, people.

Barack Obama Wins Wendy’s French Fries

Barack Obama Wins Wendy’s French Fries

Fort Wayne, Indiana – United States President visited a local McDonalds’s restaurant yesterday and purchased a Number Two, just the sandwich thank you, with apple slices. After his meal, Obama’s wife noticed he did not get a drink, so they stopped at a neighborhood Wendy’s to buy a large soda. When Obama pulled off the gamepiece on the cup, he was delighted to find he had won a Free Medium Fries with purchase of a regular drink!

Oh, and I guess he won the Nobel Peace Prize the other day as well. But the significance of the two awards are about the same.

Remember that the Nobel Peace Prize is an arbitrary honor that is awarded by an European selection committee. Also remember that Europe is the continent that overwhelmingly supported any measure that made America less powerful in world affairs.

Since his inauguration, Obama has been everything Europe could have wanted and more. He’s backed off promises to protect foreign nations against Iran’s missile systems. He’s sat and watched as Arab nations work to replace the American dollar as trading currency for petroleum. Signs point to him getting ready for a cut-and-run in Afghanistan.

Barack Obama is suave. But he’s not politically smart. And in general, neither are the Americans that support him. Winning the Nobel Peace Prize isn’t a great accomplishment. Obama’s been great as the POTUS, but unfortunately, it hasn’t been for the United States, but rather for Europe and other foreign nations.

America has a different definition of peace than the rest of the world. While America values freedom, safety and individuality, the rest of the world simply just wants America to be as weak as possible. That, for them, is peaceful and comforting to them.

So while George Bush spent eight years protecting America’s peace and projecting it’s strength and independence by responding forcefully to terrorist attacks, freeing Iraq from a bastard dictator and his rapist sons, Europe hates him.

But as soon as Obama comes in and does his best to cripple America in front of the world’s knees, Europe overnights him an award that will stroke his ego and image for awhile, but ultimately continue to weaken America.

And that’s all Europe really wants anyway.

America’s Got Talent’s Second Semi-Final Show

Recycled Percussion – They’re still a neat little group, but not altogether special. They’re loud and flashy, but is that enough to win a huge talent show? I think that this type of group is sometimes just a lot of noise, and lacking in actual musical appeal.

Lawrence Beaman – Performing a soulful arrangement of Falling In and Out of Love With You, Beaman again wasn’t as good as he could have been. He has a big and impressive voice and I just wish that he could put together a performance that utilizes his full talent and ability. Hopefully he makes it through and knocks it out of the park in the next round.

Erik & Rickie – They’re cute, but they’re no different that thousands of other young children around the country whose parents drag them to dance rehearsals and recitals every day. Fun to watch, but they don’t match up well with the other remaining acts.

Jefferey Ou – He remains an extremely talented pianist and is also supremely strange. I think that strangeness led to his buzzer from Piers, but I don’t know if it was a hundred percent warranted.

Hairo Torres – Something about this kid’s dance style intrigues me. He’s certainly not one of your run-of-the-mill dancers, and actually he’s quite the opposite. He’s unique and entertaining and perfect for this show.

The EriAm Sisters - The three sisters struggled through the same problems with the vocals this week that they did last week. While other acts continue to improve, they EriAm Sisters don’t, and may even be taking small steps backwards from their impressive first performance.

Mario & Jenny -Epic fail. They threw a curveball with their act tonight, much as the yodeling dominatrix did in the first quarterfinal show. They had something going that was fun and dangerous and fell flat on their face when they tried to mess with it. The AGT stage is not one for experimentation. Stick with what you do best.

Drew Stevyns – For some reason, he starts shaky every time out, but ends up throwing that behind him and finishing with flair. He’s got that rugged quality to his voice that makes songs like the one he sang tonight – The Way I Danced With You – so emotional and powerful. He deserves to stick around.

FootworKINGZ -They’re another one that hasn’t quite improved as much as I once anticipated they would. They haven’t added any new moves that produce the “wow” factor this type of competition needs.

Barbara Padilla -I’m so glad Barbara Padilla is here. She gives me an automatic finalist without having to stress over it. She performed Ava Maria tonight and was nearly flawless. Welcome to the finals, Mrs. Padilla.

***

The four finalists from this group that I’d send with Barbara would probably start with Hairo Torres. He’s quirky and he’s fun. I’d also take Recycled Percussion despite their noise. They are all great showmen and that adds to any act.

Finally, I’d take Lawrence Beaman and Drew Stevyns to round out the ten finalists. I just can’t take anyone else from this group over those five.

***

America ended up agreeing with me, as all five that they put through were the ones that I thought were the most deserving. It’ll be interesting to see where the competition goes from here, because what America likes is not always the most talented.

It seems that even though America’s Got Talent is a variety show that showcases all types of acts, the American public gravitates towards singing acts. This is probably why Acrodunk, the most entertaining acts in the entire show was given the boot before the finals. People can connect with emotional lyrics more than they can with five guys flipping around dunking a basketball. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way it is.

America’s Got Talent’s First Semi-Final Show

Acrodunk – I didn’t believe that Acrodunk, one of my favorite acts could really add anything to their performance to make it any better, but they went ahead and added fire. I love awesome dunks and I love fire. I can’t really explain how excited Acrodunk’s performance made me and they solidified themselves as one of my favorite groups. They’re fun, they’re exciting and they’re dangerous. If this isn’t a Vegas act, I don’t know what is. To be honest, watching Acrodunk is one of the most thrilling things I’ve ever seen on TV.

The Texas Tenors – These three gentlemen certainly have talent, although there are acts that utilize their talents better than the Texas Tenors. They seem like the type of guys that you’d be more likely to find at the local karaoke bar than in a million dollar competition. They’re a little cheesy (and were again this week), but they’re also very good. I like all-male vocalist groups and these guys have the whole package with their looks, charm and voices.

Paradizo Dance – After their first two performances, it was going to be difficult for them to do anything better. Where do you take an act that included a 90-pound girl lifting a 250-pound guy? Their semi-final routine was much like their first two performances, and it was perfectly executed and beautiful. They gain an advantage by being a different type of dance act, and not one that’s a dime-a-dozen.

Drew Thomas Magic – He astonished me in his original audition and then again in the quarterfinals, but he’s turned into something of a one-trick pony. He really needed to expand on his repertoire this time around because you can only repackage the same illusion so many times before people tire of it. Regardless of the repetitiveness, his illusions are still fantastic.

Tony Hoard & Rory – His performance this week was a thousand times better than his quarter-final show, but he’s still not more impressive than the rest of the remaining acts. He added some very impressive stunts for Rory and the dog rose to the occasion. Still a very fun act, but not the best.

The Voices of Glory – The sister is still very much the star of this group and they continue to feature her. They opened their semi-final performance with the two brothers beginning the song and their performance really came together when the sister took over the stage. The three siblings are all great kids too, which doesn’t do anything to hurt their appeal any. Sure, there are better singers, but as far as acts as whole, I’m not sure there is.

The Fab Five – I like them, but their act hasn’t progressed all that much since the beginning of the competition. While acts like Acrodunk and Voices of Glory have added different aspects that enhance their performances, the Fab Five has stayed comparatively stagnant.

Grandma Lee – Even after seeing her twice, I still enjoy her. She not the best comedian I’ve ever seen and to be honest, her material isn’t side-clutchingly funny to begin with. But because she’s 75, she’s a pleasure to watch. However, it seemed she was reaching for material and might have run into something of a wall. Joking about her and Piers was funny the first time, but it’s run it’s course.

Arcadian Broad – Piers critiqued his dancing and I agree. He runs around, spins and jumps but it’s not a particularly graceful type of dance. He looks more like a child chasing bubbles in the backyard than he does a million-dollar performer.

Kevin Skinner – He definitely had a down week with his vocals. His higher notes were very noticeably flat, but the best thing about Kevin is that even when that happens, he still brings tears to every eye in the audience.

***

Only four acts move past the semifinals, and it’s getting harder and harder to pick the ones that deserve to go on. I’d eliminate Arcadian Broad, Grandma Lee and Tony & Rory first off the bat, as I just don’t think they measure up to the rest of their competition. I’d also drop Drew Thomas Magic and the Fab Five.

That leaves me with five acts for four spots. Acrodunk is definitely through in my book, as well as Paradizo Dance. I think that the vocal problems Kevin Skinner had last night might be caused by the pure emotion with which he sings and because of the way he has of captivating an audience, I put him through.

So my last spot in the semi-finals comes down to the Voices of Glory and the Fab Five. On one hand, I don’t want to get so caught up in the emotional story of the Voices of Glory that I overvalue their talent. But Nadia has an incredible voice and her brothers, while not as good, pair excellently with her in harmonies. The Fab Five are highly enjoyable to watch and their footwork and coordination are incredible.

In the end, I have to choose the Voices of Glory for the final spot and send the Fab Five home. I just don’t think the Fab Five have shown me enough different aspects of their act to warrant sending them to the semifinals over the Voices of Glory, who, again and again have come back and astonished me week after week.

So the first four finalists for me would be Acrodunk, Kevin Skinner, Paradizo Dance and the Voices of Glory.

***

In the results show, The Texas Tenors were the first group through while Arcadian Broad and Drew Thomas Magic were sent home.

In the second grouping, Grandma Lee went through while Tony & Rory and Paradizo Dance went through. I was disappointed here, but America’s falling in love with this little old lady and I’m just not.

Kevin Skinner went through and what has turned into a bigger tragedy than Charles DeWayne going home, Acrodunk got the axe. How the hell do they go home? Kevin Skinner is emotional and a decent enough vocalist, but he’s not a terrific talent.

After a run around the mill, the Fab Five and the Voices of Glory were both voted through. So the acts moving into the finals were the Texas Tenors, Grandma Lee, Kevin Skinner, the Fab Five and the Voices of Glory. Grandma Lee should not be in the finals and I still can’t figure out how Acrodunk is headed home.

Video Walk-Through of The Shire

Here’s a quick peek into the house and property I’m living at for the next few months.

America’s Got Talent’s Fourth Quarter-Final Show

Ishaara – Bollywood dancing group that didn’t overly impress me in their original audition and did nothing again for me here. The show is America’s Got Talent, not America’s Got Indian Talent. Bollywood dancing wasn’t particularly entertaining in Slumdog Millionaire and it isn’t here either. I think a lot of people in America are beginning to get into this type of entertainment, so they’ve probably got a decent chance at advancing. I’m just not all that into it.

Barbara Padilla – Opera singer and did Con Te Partiro. She very very good and I think she’ll move on, but for some reason I just don’t like female vocalists as much. I’m not what I’d call a huge fan of opera, but I do like the song she chose very much. But I didn’t like the arrangement Barbara used. I understand they only have 90 seconds to do their thing, but the arrangement was rushed and too fast. Being a cancer survivor doesn’t hurt her public appeal though. All the judges loved it.

Pam Martin’s Top Dogs – This dog act is much more deserving of a semi-final spot than Tony & Rory. It’s not your typical flying disc dog routine, but rather Pam executes outstanding dance routines with one of her six dogs. Entertaining for the whole family and enjoyable to watch. The dog was nearly flawless in this performance. However, compared to the other talent in the show that got through without an assist from clueless judges, dog acts aren’t up to par.

African High Flyers – ridiculous athletic feats, but repetitive and redundant. Much like the Beale Street Flippers, they didn’t do much to maximize their potential from the original auditions. I liked them going in but they certainly disappointed me a little.

Mia Boostrom – Eh. There’s a reason she got sent home last year and I think we saw it tonight. She’s good, not great and she’s a lot like Bri was, in trying too hard to be a singer she’s not. She hasn’t really found a song and style that screams “her” and she’s still a little raw around the edges. The song she chose – “Hallelujah” is a beautiful song, but

Erik & Rickie – Erik, 9 and Rickie 8 are some of the best dancers in this show. They came out to a Flamenco dance and nailed it. Rickie was exceptional in the original audition and was so tonight as well, but it was Erik’s improvement that nailed their performance down. His swagger was perfect for the song and routine and I’d put them through because of it.

Coney Island Chris – He ate glass in his first audition and lit his butt on fire tonight. One of the acts that shouldn’t have been put through by Sharon and David in the first place. He was buzzed by all three judges, but just like in Dave Johnson’s case, what did you expect? That’s what he does and that’s what he brought to the table tonight.

Anthony Morgerato & Matt Lucas – the guitar playing/tapdancing roommate duo. I thought the singing was better than Piers made it out to be, and although it’s a weird combination, it kinda works. I think it’s a little tacky for Vegas, but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

The Lollipop Girls – Their song choice, Hey Big Spender was perfectly appropriate for a bunch of women that grind around in lingerie for their act. They don’t sing and their dancing really isn’t all that spectacular. David Hasselhoff would name them the winners tonight if he could, but they probably should have gone home in the first round. They could probably easily get a gig in a moderately up-scale gentleman’s club or so, but their act isn’t all that appropriate for a

Drew Stevyns – He came back as a wildcard act, and I’m glad he did, because I really like this guy. In competitions like this, picking a song that suits your style and doesn’t jump over your limitations is key. Drew nailed his song choice tonight with How To Save A Life and had an excellent performance. He started a little shaky (nerves, I’d assume) but finished perfectly. His voice is a little rugged, but that’s not a bad thing.

Recycled Percussion – they sure were entertaining, but I’m left wondering how much of their performance was actually them and how much was the backup music and special effects. There was a lot of fire and sparks and flames and two guys were wailing on trash cans and broken cymbals, but I feel that more of the performance should be focused on the latter aspects. But they were really good and should go on.

EriAm Sisters – they’re like the Voices of Glory in the fact that the youngest sister has the voice. The other two are decent, but not great and are best suited for backing their little sister. They didn’t feature the youngest one enough tonight and suffered a little. Also, they can’t really dance as we found out and there were too many props going on (tricycles???).

***

I’d send through Drew Stevyns, Erik & Rickie, Barbara Padilla and Recycled Percussion. This is easily the least impressive of the four quarter-final shows and picking a fifth that’s deserving is tough. I wish I could pick four from here and bring back Charles DeWayne, but I can’t so I guess I take the EriAm Sisters because of the potential and hope that they realize they should highlight the youngest sister. This week’s show was altogether underwhelming.

Drew Stevyns and the EriAm Sisters were the first two acts through and then Barbara Padilla and Recycled Percussion won spots in the semifinals. The judges vote came down to Mia Boostrom and Erik & Rickie. Out of those two, I’d have chosen Erik & Rickie as Mia really underwhelmed me in her second performance. David Hasslehoff chose Erik & Rickie and Sharon chose Mia because she “knew how much she wanted it”. Not because Mia was more talented, but because Mia apparently wanted it more. Piers righted the show by sending Mia packing for the second time in two years.

Bumper Stickers

Sure, there’s a neat little Facebook application that goes by the same name, but for now I’m talking about the actual adhesive ones that people stick on their cars.

Bumper stickers are, in my mind, a little tacky but more often than not, harmless. They’re kind of like tattoos and piercing whereas one tasteful one is fine, maybe a second one is okay too, but once you start plastering them all over the place and finding the biggest and loudest once you can, then I believe they go too far.

I’ve been conducting research on and off for the past 10 or fifteen years as to whether or not bumper stickers affect a person’s driving ability and have come to the conclusion that they do.

The “My Kid Is An Honor Student at _________ School” Bumper Sticker
I’ve seen these ranging from the local high school, down to the local elementary school. The lower the level of school, the more the driving ability of the parent is impaired. Your kid is an honor student at Blah Blah Blah Elementary School? Most elementary kids still wet the bed, how about advertising that on the back of your vehicle?

The “Honk If You ________________” Bumper Sticker
These range from all sorts of activities and preferences. Honk if you love dogs, honk if you tweet, honk if you’re horny, honk if you’re paying my mortgage. They pull from all walks of life and as a general rule, they’re all annoying. I’m debuting my “Honk If You Want My Glock Pointed at Your Car” sticker later this month. It’d probably cut down on honking and annoying drivers at the same time.

The “Baby On Board” Bumper Sticker
What’s the point of this sticker? It’s simply a stuck-on excuse for lousy driving ability. Chances are if a mother or father is stupid enough to spend money on a car decoration like this one, then the child in the car is probably sitting unbuckled in a car seat that’s facing the wrong way and in the front seat. Driving and parenting ability decrease with the presence of this sticker.

The “Anti-Bush” Bumper Sticker
These are typically deployed by people that don’t actually know anything intellectual to insult the former President, but feel he nonetheless must be critiqued next to their muffler. They range from your run of the mill sexual puns referencing his last name to the one that lets you know a town in Texas is missing their village idiot. I saw one that simply said “Impeach Bush” the other day. Maybe that person missed the whole “2008 election” thing. These are exponential multiplying stickers. The more you have, the exponentially worse a driver you become. But the stickers worked! Bush is gone and all it took was eight years and the American Constitution to do it!

The “If You’re Reading This Bumper Sticker You’re Driving Too Close” Bumper Sticker
Next time you are watching the news and a story breaks about an eleven-car pileup on the highway close to your house, hop in your car and head on over there. Chances are the front car has this bumper sticker on it. Ad chances are the car that was behind it was only hoping the sticker bore a phrase that was more clever and mind-stimulating that this POS collection of words.

The “We Belong In The Zoo” Bumper Sticker
Most likely this is a very accurate statement and as such, driving cars should be very low on these driver’s to-do lists. I’ve found that these stickers moderately affect a motorist’s ability to operate a vehicle, but even with ample warning, no one actually cages these morons.

The “Mom’s Taxi” Bumper Sticker
When it’s on Mom’s minivan it’s kinda cute, but it also likely signals the fact that fifteen kids just piled out or into the car and the driver is blowing a .5 on the kids breathalizer. Kids in the backseat of a car aren’t quite as dangerous as teenagers in the driver’s seat but it’s pretty darn close. But it’s most dangerous on the V8 Porsche Cayenne that dad bought for mom when Brianna and Britton are late for soccer practice and mom has to get them there and back before her spray tan fades. She’s put the sticker inside to reduce drag.

The “Yellow = On A Blue Background” Bumper Sticker
The research on this bumper sticker shows that the origins of this bumper sticker don’t actually stem from any equal rights campaign but rather an unusually clever businessman. Many people aren’t in on the true meaning behind this sticker and slap them on their cars, scooters and tandem bicycles to this day believing they’re fighting oppression and hatred. But in reality they’re alerting other drivers that their driving ability is equal to that of a narcoleptic turkey. Soon they’ll have their own special parking spaces.

The “America-Like It Or Leave It” Bumper Stickers
A variation of the more direct “F**k Off, We’re Full” sticker, this sticker is typically useless unless printed in Spanish. And even then, it’s hard to see bumper stickers when you’ve already piled into the back of someone’s pickup truck at a gas station and are now repeating the word trabajo over and over and over again.

The “Coexist” Bumper Sticker Spelled Out With Symbols
First off, I have found this particular car adornment to be the crowning achievement of any bumper sticker collector’s collection. It apparently can not be adhered to a car unless a minimum of fifteen other stickers are already covering the back of the car. This sticker, in addition to the haze of weed filling the car and the second lesbian in the passenger seat, make this the most dangerous bumper sticker of all. My suggestion is pull over and grab a quick bite to eat, then drive in the opposite direction for awhile, just to be safe.

Avoid at all costs

America’s Got Talent’s Third Quarter-Final Show

FootworKINGz really came to play this week. Their moves were great and their outifts were cool too. Normally I’m not a huge fan of dance groups, but they were solid after being asked back. They brought a lot of energy, but the amount of dance acts dilutes their attraction.

Marcus Terrell & the Serenades – Replacing his backup singers helped a lot. Instead of his solid lead voice being “complimented” by lousy singers, the new ones really accentuated his performance. He’s good, not great.

Pixie Mystere – Cutesy. They run around and flip and bend. Nice for entertaining a PTA meeting, but certainly not an act that Vegas would love.

Jay Mattioli – Run of the mill magician. Nothing special and pales in comparison to the other magic act still alive.

Bri – She’s kinda annoying. Big voice, but she tries too hard to be someone she’s not. She’s taken two songs now and redone them for her performances – and neither of her arrangements were that spectacular. But she’s better than some still left in, although not better than some sent home.

U4IA Dance Crew – Scary. There’s nothing too special about them and for that they’ll go home.

Dave Johnson – What else could you expect? He did what I expected him to, wrote a song with somewhat entertaining lyrics and then sang it, but not very well. He’s one of the acts that shouldn’t have made it past the first audition let alone to the semifinals.

Hairo Torres – He had some very unique moves, but that being said, he’s a dancing contortionist which is somewhat intriguing, but not altogether entertaining. However, he is definitely different and some of his moves and mind-boggling.

G-Force – The guitar playing was solid, and the little drummer girl was amazing. But none of them can sing a lick. I doubt even their parents enjoy it when they sing. They shouldn’t have made it out of the original auditions either, but they did and then went on to embarrass themselves on national television.

Jeffery Ou – What a great pianist. This guy is really good, although using backup dancers was unnecessary and proved problematic when one of them kicked out the piano’s mic and no one could hear his playing over the accompaniment. But the dude’s a sick piano player nevertheless.

Mario & Jenny – Now here’s a Vegas act! Fire and danger are immensely entertaining and both of them are fantastic showmen. Juggling is really quite a mundane activity until you add more stuff and light it on fire.

Lawrence Beaman – An emotional singer with a fantastic voice. He’s rather plain though, so he’s going to need to expand himself a little in order to seriously sustain a Vegas show. He’s got an incredibly powerful voice and should use it as often as he can.

Lawrence Beaman performs at an America's Got Talent audition

The five acts from this evening’s semifinal I would have put through were Jeffery Ou (despite the technical difficulty), Mario & Jenny, Lawrence Beaman, FootworKINGz and Hairo Torres. I wavered in taking Torres as my last act in, but Marcus Terrell didn’t overwhelm me and I’ve seen girls like Bri before and didn’t like them then.

For the first time this season, the five acts I wanted to go through did. When the last act came down to FootworKINGz and Pixie Mystere, I assumed Sharon and the Hoff would fall for the cutesy tweens while Piers picked talent over cute. Piers did as I expected and then Sharon shocked me by agreeing with him.

Daughtry and Ashley Tisdale both performed during the live results show this week, a nice change of pace from previous weeks where the show had brought in a hit (Terry Fator -Week 1 and Pim & Keller – Week 2) along with a miss (Mariah Carey Week 1, LMFAO Week 2).

America’s Got Talent Second Quarter-Final Show

The Fab Five – Five sisters/moms from Utah that can really dance. And by dance I mean dance and not just shake and grind. Their choreography was fantastic and their coordination was equally good. Plus, Sean Kingston’s Fire Burning is never a bad song choice.

Charles DeWayne – He’s probably the best male vocalist in the semi-finals. He was charming and smooth and his performance was superb. If anyone in AGT has star potential and can offer the entire package, looks, persona and talent – it’s this guy.

Charles DeWayne performs at an America's Got Talent audition

Carol Loo – okay, so she’s over 60 and still dancing to contemporary and upbeat songs. I get it, but she’s not very good. Her routine was borderline ridiculous and there were way too many backup dancers.

Tony Hoard and Rockin’ Rory – Tony’s the guy and Rory’s the dog that catches the discs. That’s the plan at least. It’s fun to watch, but Tony definitely could use some practice throwing the discs as his aim was off for the most part. It’s a very exciting act and fun to watch, but I could probably go to the park and find six or seven dogs doing the same thing, if not a little better.

Eleisha Miller – my least favorite semi-finalist, the girl is not a good piano player and an even worse singer. But she’s bubbly and under ten years old so Sharon Osbourne and the Hoff fell for her. She focused more on her vocals in this week’s performance and suffered greatly.

Paradizo Dance – David (250+ lbs) and Zoe’s (95 lbs) act is strength and beauty in motion. The fact that the girl can lift her husband is incredible. Their execution in both of their performances has been flawless and it’s a little bit like watching Cirque du Soleil.

The Texas Tenors – Trio of cattle ranchers that have taken on country music. Their harmonies are very tight and crisp and they’ve got a sensational lead in the blonde guy. Doesn’t hurt their value that he’s a looker, either. Can’t believe I’m agreeing with Hasselhoff, but it’s time for them to tackle a ballad, because they’re sure to go through.

SQ Entertainment – They were one of the wild card acts to be brought back, but they didn’t do a whole lot to impress me. I’ve said before that dance groups don’t get me all worked up the whole time, and setting a routine to robbing a bank certainly doesn’t do anything when the groups a bunch of black guys.

Pete Peterkin – his impressions aren’t bad, but his comedy is. His material is pretty close to terrible, and he hasn’t got the “naughty old lady” things going for him like Grandma Lee does. Plus, who’d want to be impersonating Obama nowadays anyway?

Alizma – the judges told them to ditch the singing and stick to the violin playing, but they decided they’d focus on two things in their performance – singing and stripper moves. Neither worked and they were buzzed. They’d make an excellent violin group, but singing is not their forte.

Beale Street Flippers – Flippin’ unbelievable! But only for the first fifteen flips or so, then it gets repetitive. They could probably add something to their routine to make it more relatable and interesting, but while it’s an astonishing physical feat, there are better acts.

Voices of Glory – two brothers and a sister and this week they certainly played to their strengths. The little sister grabbed hold of the lead and nailed it. The brothers are extremely talented in supporting their sister and she’s capable of carrying them.

For this group, the five acts that I would have put through, in no particular order were Voices of Glory, Paradizo Dance, Texas Tenors, the Fab Five and Charles DeWayne.

America put through the first four, and then the judges had to decide between Charles DeWaye and Tony & Rory. Sharon and the Hoff ended up picking the dude and his dog, while Piers and Charles were left wondering what the hell happened. Charles going home may be the single biggest travesty in American reality television history. Second week in a row Sharon and Hasslehoff trump the only decent judge of talent on the show.

America’s Got Talent First Quarter-Final Show

Breaksk8 – dancers on roller skates is a new concept, but I would have liked if they had incorporated the skates into their routine more. They added some backup dancers too, and they ended up being superfluous.

Thia Megia – sang a Miley Cyrus song and made me realize that what I hate about Miley Cyrus songs is that Miley Cyrus sings them. She was pretty darn good for a 14-year old girl, or for any age.

The Platt Brothers – they’re extremely quirky and unique and for some reason I love them. Their routine is a little confusing but fun nonetheless.

The Diva League – lip-synching drag queens that can’t dance. Piers Morgan nailed this one head-on. Their dancing was terrible and that’s their apparent selling point. That, and they’re men dressed up like women.

Manuela Horn – the yodeling dominatrix was neither this time around. She completely changed her act from her original audition and for the worse. She performed some sort of song and dance routine to Don’t Ya but didn’t do anything from what got her through in the first place. Disappointing act.

Grandma Lee – she a little old grandma who forgot to get rid of her 17-year old perverted mind. She’s naughty and funny and her timing and stage presence are unexpectedly fantastic. Most acts like hers get by simply on novelty, but she brings substance along for the ride.

Mosaic – acapella group that performed a sweet arrangement of Superstitious. The group is very good, although it seems that each guy wants to do the vocal percussion parts. When they utilize their harmonies and keep the percussion as accompaniment, they’re excellent. They pulled everything together at the end of the song and finished hot.

Acrodunk – by far my favorite group. They’re like the Globetrotters on crack. They combine dance moves with insane gymnastic stunts and cap all that off by successfully dunking basketballs. The fact that they didn’t miss a single dunk is absolutely extraordinary.

Acrodunk performs at an America's Got Talent Quarter-Final Show

Arcadian Broad – a dancer in his original audition, he added piano playing to his act in his semifinal audition and while he was good, he wasn’t great and he wasted time playing piano that could have been spent dancing. He’s quite a good dancer.

Drew Thomas Magic – absolutely flabbergasting. His act only contained one illusion, but when that one is as good as Drew Thomas’ was, you don’t need anything else. I’m psyched to see what he comes up with next.

Kevin Skinner – he was off key a little, but was still emotional and pure. He’s very raw but possess exceptional potential.

Lake Houston Dance – so many little girls. They’re loud, all over the place and annoying. They were overwhelmingly sloppy with their moves and they had so many people ad props it was impossible to focus on any one thing at any given time. Lake Houston ADDance.

From this group I would have put through Kevin Skinner, Drew Thomas Magic, Acrodunk, Mosaic and Grandma Lee. I was torn between Thia Megia and Grandma Lee, but ultimately decided that there were better singers in the competition than Thia, as much as I liked her.

America put through Grandma Lee, Acrodunk, Drew Thomas Magic and Kevin Skinner while the judges were left to decide between Thia Megia and Arcadian Broad. Sharon and Hoff took Arcadian after Piers chose Thia and that was that.